Legends of the Halcyon Era – Dick’s Dastardly Deeds

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Legends of the Halcyon Era

Dick’s Dastardly Deeds

by

David Oxford/LBD “Nytetrayn”

*****

Previously, in Legends of the Halcyon Era…

While Adam Powers was recovering, Nytetrayn, Fenix, Janine, and Celeste went to scope out a nearby ruin on Monroe Island. When they arrived, they were blindsided by Fenix’s father, the Air Pirate Trevor Creed, who proceeded to pick the group apart and kidnap Celeste into the ruin. Nytetrayn led the charge to get her back, and after Janine took her to safety, their battle was interrupted by another Air Pirate, their sometimes-colleague Xenos Geist, who inadvertently gave Creed a means of escape.

Oh, and during the fight, Nytetrayn confessed his love for Celeste.

Nyte, Fenix, and Xenos tried to track down Creed, but instead found another old foe: Sherman East, who used the power of a weaponized refractor sword called the Armageddon Shard to attempt to exact his revenge on the three. That is, until Creed arrived to even the score and help put East away (again), and continue his fight.

Creed would ultimately get away again, leaving Nyte with an injured shoulder and Fenix with a desire to get back to his original mission, departing the group.

It has been a few days since Fenix left. Nytetrayn is sitting in the living room, working on something, while Celeste is on the sofa, dividing her attention between the TV and Nyte’s activities.

Janine entered the apartment, whip in hand, with a large and satisfied smile on her face. Nyte looked up from his work, and said, “You look satisfied with something.”

“What’s up?” Celeste asked.

Janine chuckled mischievously. “It’s that time of the month again.”

“I thought you didn’t like Dick?”

“I don’t. Buuuuuut…” Janine flexed her whip a couple of times as she smirked. “Let’s just say that what I do has its moments.”

Meanwhile, their neighbor, a Digger named Tom Morrow, who occupied the apartment next door to theirs, wandered into the manager’s office to find Dick crouched in a corner, shivering. He told Tom that he could have this month for free, if he just let him be.

Tom shrugged, and was meandering back to his room when a thought crossed his mind, and he stopped mid-way and knocked on the adjoining apartment’s door. Janine opened the door, and cheerfully asked, “What’s up?”

“Yo! Can I come in?” Tom asked.

“Sure!” Janine said, standing aside to let him through.

As Tom entered, he paused. “Wait… I sense a disturbance in the living quarters. Where’s Fenix?”

“…Fenix left…” was all Nyte said, as he continued working.

Janine raised an eyebrow at Tom. “You can sense that?”

“He probably sensed it when he realized his walls weren’t shaking,” Nyte replied.

Tom poked his head around Nyte, trying to get a better look at what the Digger was working on. “Whatcha doooooooooin’?” he asked.

“Something to help me out in ruins.” Nyte’s project looked like a robot of some sort, with a series of tubes lining its arms. It was about the size of a child.

Suddenly, Radi popped out of Janine’s cleavage. “Sweet mother of god!” the Reaverbot Queen shouted, while Nytetrayn and Celeste looked on with bulging eyes.

“Is Janine investing in smuggling children off the island?” Tom asked. “And, more importantly, does it lay eggs?”

Radi sniffed the air, glowered at Tom, and sank back down among the cleavage. “Who’s this bastard?”

“Bastard’s name is Tom,” Nyte said.

“Why, thank you,” Tom replied. “Yes, and who are you?”

“He looks like a monkey.”

Tom shrugged and went back to peer over Nyte’s work, while Janine just stared awestruck at the child inhabiting her cleavage. “Humans evolved from monkeys, so, yeah,” he said.

Radi hopped out, and Janine peeked inside to make sure there wasn’t anything else in there that she might not have noticed. “I need to shower more thoroughly,” she said to herself.

“What is this little beastie?” Tom asked.

“Her name is Radi,” Nyte told him.

Radi latched on to Tom’s leg, and started chomping on the pants region of his armor. “My god,” Tom said. “Holy crap… just… holy crap. What do you feed this thing? Liquid sugar?”

Nyte just continued, and paid Radi and Tom no mind. Celeste laughed a little at Tom’s reactions to Radi, but tried to hold it back.

“Radi, don’t eat Tom’s pants,” said Janine. “You don’t know where they’ve been.”

“We don’t,” Nyte told Tom. “Usually, Xenos was her keeper.”

“Ah, the pirate, right?” Tom asked, a little tight-lipped. “What happened to him?”

Nyte shrugged, and kept his attention on his work. “I dunno. Went fishing for coins at the water fountain?”

Tom looked at Radi, still attached to his leg. “What can I do to make you let go? I’ll treat you with respect, if that helps.”

“Ngaroffftpshh!” she replied.

“…good answer.” Tom tried to pry her off, while Janine attempted to interest Radi in some crackers. Nyte tried to remember if she was housetrained or not.

“Hey, Radi,” Nyte said, which prompted her to latch on to his head with her teeth. “Why don’t you go see what Fenix’s up to? I think he said something about wondering what you’ve been up to lately…”

Janine looked at Nyte in disbelief. In an admonishing tone, she said, “Nyte! That’s mean!” She followed in a more jovial tone with, “Poor Fenix doesn’t need this kind of thing right now.”

“Neither do I…”

Celeste looked into removing Radi from Nyte’s head, and sat her on the sofa next to her. Tom returned to peering at Nyte’s work. “What, exactly, is this?”

“‘S a robot,” Nyte said, as he looked at his plans on the floor, some of which he found in one of their recent digs.

“Ah?” Tom said, as he looked and saw how it was coming together.

Meanwhile, Janine joined Celeste on the sofa, opposite of Radi, and whispered embarrassing things in Celeste’s ear, most of which involved Nytetrayn’s butt. After a moment of this, Celeste asked, “…why are you saying these things?”

“Because they’re true!” she said with a wink. “And because you look so cute when you’re flustered!”

Tom caught a glimpse of this and raised an eyebrow, and Janine gave him an outrageous wink back. Tom coughed and fidgeted nervously. “Anyway! I was gonna go ruin-spelunking, but, ah… it ate my armor.” Janine responded by whispering, “Good girl!” to Radi, and patted her on the head.

Nytetrayn finished a few connections, then closed the panel on the robot’s back. “Alright,” he said as he stood up, “let’s try this out. Twirl, activate!” The others watched with interest, save for Radi, who was already doing some spelunking of her own up her nose.

Twirl activated, stood up straight, and looked at Nytetrayn. “Hm. Neat,” Tom commented. Nyte thought for a moment, and told Twirl, “Raise your left arm.” The small robot did so. “Now, raise your right arm.” Again, Twirl did as he was told.

“Now, do the TWIST!” Radi shouted. However, Twirl did not respond. “Pfft, what’s so special about it?” she asked.

“So far, he’s only set to respond to my voice.”

“Awww, that bites,” said Janine. “Even the robot in this household won’t do what I tell it to.”

“Yo, make it dance, then!” Radi pondered, “Maybe if I try holding my nose and setting my voice really high…”

Nytetrayn rolled his eyes. “Fine… Twirl, dance.” On command, Twirl performed a simple tap-dance routine. Tom clapped.

“That’s not the TWIST!” Radi pouted.

“Hey, I haven’t had time to program much into him yet,” Nyte told Radi, as Janine patted her on the head. “Ask me later.”

“Bah,” Radi said, before she went back to chewing on Nyte’s head. Nyte considered “siccing” Twirl on Radi, but Tom scooped her off first. “Thank you,” he told his savior.

“Final test,” Nytetrayn said, as he held out his arm. “Twirl, transform!”

With that, Twirl moved towards Nyte and jumped into the air, with parts shifting and changing until he looked like a modified version of his Gatling-Buster, which joined with Nyte’s arm. “Perfect,” Nyte said.

“Whoa,” said Janine. “Too bad Plisskin couldn’t do that.”

“This will save me having to dig around in my backpack and assemble weapons when we’re fighting in ruins,” Nytetrayn explained. “Twirl, robot mode!” Twirl returned to his robot mode, and Nytetrayn ordered him to power down, then got to work on AI programming.

“Nifty.”

Tom asked, “How do you control that thing?”

“Voice-response,” Nyte said. “I’m working on expanding his capa–”

“No, that,” Tom said, as he pointed at Radi.

“Oh. We don’t. We just hope it goes away before the walls get eaten.”

Radi bit down on Tom’s finger, eliciting a yelp of pain. “Radi!” Janine shouted. “Spit it out! He might have rabies!”

Tom contemplated his situation. “She’s on my hand..I have a forearm blade in that armor piece.” Tom extended it just long enough to poke Radi in the head, but not enough to jut or stab or anything more severe than that. He poked her with it a few times, before Janine whipped her off of Tom’s hand and zapped him in the butt with an energy shot. “YOU EVIL, EVIL MAN!” she shouted, while Tom let out a different pained yelp. “That stung!” he said. “What’d you have done?!”

“Why isn’t she going to bug Fenix yet?” Nyte wondered out loud, as he decided to go out back, where it would be more peaceful to finish up. Celeste went into the kitchen, while Radi laid on her back, on the floor, arms and legs crossed.

“You don’t poke children in the head with blades!”

Tom sighed in resignation, and extended his finger again. “Okay, go ahead. I deserve it.”

Before Radi could get to chomping, Celeste returned and set out a glass of milk and cookies. “Radi…”

“ROCK!” Radi shouted, as she instantly forgot about Tom’s finger, and was all over the cookies and milk. Celeste smiled, pleased that her idea worked. Even Jan was surprised by the about-face. “Thanks, Cel!” she said, as she flopped onto the sofa.

“No problem,” Celeste said, before venturing to the washroom for a moment. “Be right back.”

“Alright, then,” Tom said, as he sat down next to Janine. “What’re you doing without Fenix here, Jan?”

“Oh, I’m getting along,” Jan said. “Fortunately, he left behind his massaging hand.”

“Ah…” Tom replied, before realization struck and his eyes widened. “O-kay,” he said, as he shuffled a bit further away.

Nyte finished up the programming, and came back in, with Twirl following. “Okay, I think he’s ready.”

“Ready to do the TWIST?” Janine asked.

“Hoo-boy,” said Tom.

“He’ll never be able to do it,” Radi said, leaking milk and cookie bits as she spoke.

Twirl looked to Nytetrayn after Janine’s request, and he just rolled his eyes and nodded. Twirl performed a basic “twist.”

“Ooh, squeaky,” said Janine.

In the bathroom, Celeste noticed that one of the tiles in the bathtub seemed to be off-color. She probably would have noticed it before, but when she cleaned in here yesterday, it was the same color as the rest. As she inspected it, the tile seemed to have been installed more recently than the others. Celeste decided to see if she could remove the tile, and it came out with a minimum of fuss, and revealed a small “ninja” camera.

“Janine…” Celeste called out.

“Yes, dear?”

“Could you come here for a moment?”

Janine raised an eyebrow, and went into the washroom.

Meanwhile, Radi laughed at the twisting Twirl, and said, “I’d like to see him spin on his head.”

“Fine,” said Nytetrayn. He told the robot, “Twirl, spin on your head,” and it did so.

“Moonwalk!”

Twirl moonwalked.

“Grab your crotch and yell ‘OW!’”

Twirl did as instructed, but the “ow” came out sounding more like computer chirps and beeps.

“Do some armpit farts. Long ones. With feeling.”

Twirl did as instructed, but it just sounded like metal clanging together. “I think you’re asking a bit much on that one,” Nyte told her.

“He’ll never amount to anything!”

“He’s designated for combat,” Tom said.

“As long as he can keep me armed when I need him, he’ll be all he can be.”

“Pfff. In the real world, they’ll murder you, if you can’t do armpit farts.”

“…right,” said Nytetrayn, who was quickly tiring of the conversation. “I’ll install inflatable whoopie-cushions under his shoulders next chance I get.”

Radi’s eyes practically glowed with admiration. “That. Would be. Awwweeeesooooooooooome.”

“Hold up,” said Tom. “Where’re the girls?”

Meanwhile, in the bathroom moments ago…

“Yeah? You need some help?” Janine said with a flirty wink.

“You could say that,” Celeste replied. “Did Fenix leave something in here?”

“Hm?” Janine said, as she looked at the hole in the wall.

“You guys never told me about that one,” Celeste said.

“That’s… not Fenix’s. His is up higher on the other wall there, and he uses professional-quality equipment. I’ve never seen that camera before.”

“If it’s not Fenix’s, then whose is it?”

Janine paused, and said, “I don’t think we wanna know,” before taking the camera out and examining it. “Hmmm… there’s another signal… on the same frequency…”

She walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, and looked around like she was listening to something. Celeste followed, while Nyte and Tom looked on curiously. “It’s coming from… over there!” Janine said, as she pointed at the door to Nyte’s room – where Celeste had been sleeping since she arrived.

“What is?” Nyte asked, as he and Tom followed.

“Armpit whoopees!” Radi shouted, before she resumed scarfing down cookies and milk.

“There’s another camera in there somewhere. Dammit,” Janine said, as she headed over towards the room, but stopped short and turned to glare at the two men. “Do you mind?!”

“WHA–” yelped Tom, before he backed away.

“Sorta,” said a calmer Nyte. “What’s going on?”

“This is Cel’s room, you’re not going in without her permission!”

“Oh, okay. That, I can do,” said Tom, as he bowed and returned to the sofa.

“Especially you, Nyte. The sight of her undergarments alone would give you a nosebleed.” Celeste reddened a little at the mention of the idea. “C’mon, Cel. Let’s get to the bottom of this.”

Nyte just shrugged and turned around, muttering about how it’s actually his room, and he’s just letting Cel use it. “Take Fenix’s,” Tom said. “Jan has that one,” Nyte told him.

“Well, you two could share if you’d stop beating around the bush and just bang already, but nooooooo…”

Celeste paused, stunned by that, while Tom looked on with widened eyes. Nyte shot back, “Well, ex-CUSE us, ‘Dances With ‘Roos’!”

“Whoaaaaaaaa!” exclaimed Tom.

“Hey! Spending an eternity with Big Willie was not my idea! Ah, here we are!” Janine could then be heard punching through the drywall.

“That deserves a ‘whoaaaaaaa,’ too.”

“But you sure have carried the experience with you ever since – HEY!”

Janine walked out a moment later, carrying another ninja camera. “Oh, this means war.”

“Whose is it?” Tom asked, while Nyte looked into his room, and the hole in the wall. Radi stuck her head out, and asked, “What’s the hullabaloo?”

“What kind of sick, depraved maniac would set up cameras in this apartment to view people in the nude, and not put one in MY room?!”

“Someone who sees you every month?” Tom suggested.

A look of realization struck Janine, and her eyes narrowed into blood-red slits, while Nyte and Celeste were left speechless. Celeste felt violated.

“This means war,” said Nytetrayn, as he started for the door.

“Oh, I’m gonna kill him,” said Janine, before offering, “unless you’d like the honors, Cel?”

“Uh, I’ll just watch… maybe take whatever is left?”

“Don’t get your hopes up,” said Nyte.

“Awww,” said Radi.

“Hmph,” said Janine, before she wrapped an arm around Celeste’s shoulders. “Come on, this is your chance to stand up for yourself! You wanted to do that, remember?”

Tom stood up. “Can I join in? I could throw something like sandpaper on my sword or something,” he said, as he let the blade jut out.

As the group followed Nyte to Dick’s office, Radi caught up to Celeste, and offered her something. “Hey Celeste, use this on the guy!” She handed her a bomb shaped like an old soldier doll. A nutcracker, to be precise.

“Um, I’ll pass, Radi,” Celeste said sheepishly. “Thanks, though!”

“Awwwww,” the disappointed young Digger said.

The office appeared to be deserted.

“Hmmm…” Janine said. “The office appears to be deserted.”

“Hold on,” said Tom. “Did we just leave our apartments free to be bugged?”

“I don’t know… I do know where he sleeps, though. Come on!”

Janine blasted the door open and marched in, right before she came right back out and slammed the broken door behind her, eyes wide in horror. “Oh… my… god,” she said, as everyone else looked at her with questioning expressions. “That bastard! He wasn’t satisfied with me! He has to build a frickin’ shrine!”

“The hell?” Nyte said angrily, while Tom uttered a, “HUBBAWHA!”

“Cel, you don’t have to look. It’s not pretty.”

“Methinks it’s time to get a new apartment owner,” said Tom. “Alert his next of kin.”

“I…” said Celeste, unsure if she should look or not. Janine turned and went back inside, and Tom started to cautiously enter, before Nyte grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back before he could make it to the door. “Oh, no y’don’t.”

“What?”

“I don’t think Cel would appreciate you looking at whatever is in there,” Nyte said, before adding, “and neither would I. Dig?”

“Alright,” Tom said, as he dusted himself off.

Meanwhile, Celeste had gotten her nerve up, and decided to take a look for herself. The room was literally made to be a shrine to her, like the freaky, disturbing shrines stalkers make to their obsessions. There were photos pasted all over the walls, burning candles, and an altar with a mannequin dressed up similarly to Celeste. Some of the photos seemed to be Dick with another woman made up to look like Celeste, or photos of him and her, spliced together. It was, put simply, disturbing. Celeste left the room, a spooked look on her face, unsure of just how to react.

“Burn it all,” said Tom. “Nyte, let’s hunt him down.”

Janine soon followed Celeste out, surrounded by an aura of fiery orange energy. “He’s not here, but I did find this,” she said, holding up a hand-made book. Celeste took a look, and saw that it was a journal, one whose most recent entries did not bear repeating. In the last one, he was ranting about, “the whip.”

“I think I broke his brain,” said Janine, a little sadly.

“…good,” said Celeste, earning a glance from Nyte.

“Anyhow, some of the other entries mention a ruin nearby that he’s frequented –”

“Let’s hunt ‘im down!” shouted Tom.

“…in between his fantasies about the two of us. Asshole.”

“Two of who?” asked Nyte. “Me and Cel,” Janine said.

“…Nyte,” said Tom, getting the young Digger’s attention. “Two and two. Two girls, two brian cells in his head. Go figure.”

“Hey, I just wasn’t sure if he was including himself in the ‘two of them’.”

“He’s a sick man,” said Janine. “Don’t read it, Cel, and for the love of God, don’t look at his sketches.” She shuddered at the mention. Celeste decided after a moment to heed her warning.

“Just… burn it all,” said Tom. “Fill his room with biblical stuff. The really pure kind.”

“I would,” said Jan, “but that would set the whole building aflame.”

“Put Radi in there to wait for him.”

Nyte said, “Yeah, we live here too, y’dummy—heeeeeeeeeeey… now that idea, I like!”

“We’ll take care of it later,” said Janine. “Right now, I want to find the piece of donkey-dung so Cel can shove her shoes up his – WE ARE NOT PUTTING RADI IN THERE!”

“Arm Radi,” Tom continued. “Yes, arming Radi quite well. An armed Radi would be quite deadly. Or maybe an army of RADI!”

Nyte said, “One is plenty, even when she’s unarmed, thanks,”

Back at the apartment, Radi sneezed. She looked at the newly-laid spread of chewed cookie bits and milk on the wall, shrugged, and went back to eating.

“Anyhow,” said Janine. “Cel, do you have any spiked bitch heels, or shall I lend you some of mine?”

“That’s okay, Jan. These will do.”

“Shall we go armor up and hunt the bastard down?” Nyte asked.

“I don’t think armoring is necessary,” Janine said. “The ruin would have to be pretty tame if Dick can survive in it.”

“…point.”

“I’m… halfway there,” said Tom, looking down at his incomplete armor. “Radi ate the bottom half.”

“Speaking of which, may as well see if Radi wants to come,” said Nyte. “She has a… thing… about this kind of subject, and I’d rather not leave her alone in the apartment any longer than we have to, anyway.”

Back at their apartment, Janine called out, “Hey, Radi! Want to help us castrate someone?” in an enormously cheerful, sing-song tone. Meanwhile, Nytetrayn called out to someone else. “Twirl, come on! You’re about to get your first test run!”

“What’s that mean?” Radi asked.

Tom joined in, after retrieving new pantalons from his apartment, as well as big guns and holsters over each shoulder. “We’re going perv-hunting.”

“It means ‘lots of gnawing’,” Nyte said.

“You get to remove the reason he’s a man!” Janine said.

Radi was very puzzled about that, but gnawing sounded good.

Twirl went to Nytetrayn’s side, while Radi leaped onto Nyte’s head. “Forward, Reginald!” Nyte did not look remotely pleased with this, and Celeste removed her from his head and set her down with a gentle pat on the head. It wasn’t enough to stop her from grumping, however. Celeste gave her a snack cake to make up for it, which Radi accepted, but continued to grump, anyway.

When they arrived at their destination, Janine snickered at the pastel pink-and-white ruin gate. The decorations made it look more like the door to a daycare than a ruin.

“Oh… my god…” said Tom,

“What in Light’s name…?” Nytetrayn said, as he gawked at the ruin in disbelief.

“…Light?” said Celeste?

“Huh?”

“Who’s Light?”

“ …what are you talking about?”

“You said…”

Janine raised an eyebrow. “You just said ‘what in Light’s name’.”

“Did I? Weird. God. I meant God. What in God’s name.” Nyte smacked his forehead with his palm a couple of times. “Guess I spent too long messing with Twirl’s programing. The circuitry must’ve gotten to me…”

Ignoring the conversation, Tom moved to examine a nearby signboard. “‘Only those with Z-class license may enter… which is basically anyone’. Are those even a thing? Hold on,” he snickered as he held up his Class-A license. “This seems like a very advanced ruin. We may not be *snicker* qualified for this…”

Nyte smirked at that, but his expression quickly changed to a more serious one as he turned to a worried-looking Celeste. “Um… you sure you’re up to this, Cel?”

“It requires a ‘Z’ class! You usually start at ‘B’!”

Nyte shot Tom a dirty look that shut him up quick, then back to Celeste. “I know you’ve got… issues… with ruins. And that’s fine,” he said as reassuringly as he could.

Celeste nodded. “Yeah,” she said, steeling herself. “I’m ready.”

“We’ll cover you,” Tom said, as he unholstered his guns and began to charge them. “Let’s kick some biznatch.”

One quick elevator ride later, Janine opened the first set of doors, and Tom leaped in first. “EAT THIS, YOU FR…eaks?” Inside the ruin, the hallways were a bright, eye-searing purple, and the only Reaverbots to be found resembled tiny mechanical hamsters. “Oh, dear sweet creeping god.”

Once Nyte took in the sight, he shrugged and said, “Oh, well. A test run is a test run. Twirl, trans–”

“Hold on,” Tom said.

“What?”

Tom laid down and aimed his guns forward. He fired once, and the blasts swept down the pathway, vaporizing all the Hamsterbots.

“…jerk,” said an annoyed Nytetrayn. “I’ll be ready next time. Twirl, transform!” With that, Twirl jumped up and converted to Gatling-Buster mode, and latched around Nyte’s left arm.

A disembodied voice rang out from somewhere in the ruin. “Oh God, keep it away! Keep it awaaaaaay…!”

“Wait,” said Tom. “What voice was that?”

“A disembodied one?” Nyte offered.

“VissHAO,” said Radi, as Tom reupholstered his large guns and pulled out a pair of derringers. “KaPUNNNNNGGG.”

“Oh god,” said Tom. “She talks with ruins?”

“Shut up, monkey,” Radi fired back. Nyte stifled his laughter.

“It’s so big!” the disembodied voice rang out.

“Oh boy,” Tom said as he rushed in and activated the camera mode on his Buster. “I GOTTA SEE THIS!”

“Between Radi verbally bitch-slapping Tom and the talking ruin, today’s been almost funny,” said Janine. “Agreed,” said Nytetrayn.

“Why haven’t you KILLED that guy yet?” asked Radi, as Tom laughed hysterically. “And EATEN HIM. With COCKTAIL SAUCE.”

“Check this out!” Tom shouted to the others, who ventured to see what was going on. From behind one of the ruin’s doors came the voice, which slowly seemed to be getting closer. What’s more, the voice did not sound like Dick’s, but familiar to some of them just the same.

“Stop that! Get away from me! Ahhh! It’s slimy!” Tom opened the door, and a man in a black trench coat came screaming out of it, slammed it shut behind him, and leaned on it as he panted heavily.

“Having fun?” Tom asked, prompting the figure to look up at him.

“Aww, dammit! You again?!” Nyte shouted, as he looked upon the panting figure of none other than Sherman East.

“Dare I ask?” said Tom. “Friendly?”

“Not in the least.”

“Oh. Let’s vape him.”

Nyte was already aiming Twirl as Tom said it, and Tom followed suit by charging his double-barreled Buster.

Sherman blinked as he stared at the assemblage, trying to process what was going on before it all clicked. “What? NO! Not you! Not here! Not now?!”

“Duuuuuuuuude,” said Radi, as she tugged on the coat.

“Shit! What are you doing here?! And why… are you in this particular ruin?” Janine just raised an eyebrow.

“We’re hunting,” said Nytetrayn. “Not you, ironically.”

“Then whom?”

“Chasing a sicko,” said Tom. “A perverse bizzatch who needs some sandpaper in his anus.”

“OHHHHH THE DIRTY WORDS GOD MY EARS,” Radi shouted, then began kicking Tom in the shin repeatedly. East winced, though whether it was over Radi’s shrill cry or Tom’s sandpaper remark, no one can say.

“Violent little friend you’ve got there,” East noted, as Janine chastised Tom for using such language around Radi.

“Yeah, you don’t want to mess with her,” Nyte said.

Tom shrugged. “But, you first: What’re you here for, and furthermore… what the hell Reaverbot are you?”

“I happen to be a biomechanical model, Bureaucratic Class,” East said, as he straightened his coat. “Your group seems to only be partly here, Janine. Where’s the pirate and your boy toy?”

Tom took a long step to the side as he noticed Janine develop an eye twitch. “They’re off doing whatever it is they do,” she said bitterly.

“Some amazing Reaverbot,” Tom said. “Getting pounded by hamsters, then?”

“Yeah, what are you doing here?” Nyte asked.

“I was not getting pounded by hamsters!” East objected indignantly.

“Then what was all that?” Tom continued. “Couldn’t handle them?”

“I was destroying this ruin’s Reaverbot boss so that I could consume his power and use it to further regenerate my strength. Then this sweaty, crazed man in his skivvies appeared and began chasing me, screaming hysterically about some… whip?”

“Our prey?” Tom asked, smirking, while Janine died laughing. Nyte and Celeste were laughing a little as well, though not quite as hard.

“Do I want to know why you’re chasing a crazed, naked man?” East asked with a perturbed expression.

“OH GOD, MORE PROFANITIES,” Radi shouted, as she rolled around on the floor, covering her ears with her hands and knees.

“To kill him,” Tom said cheerfully.

East gave Radi an odd look, and patted the strange little girl on the head.

“…you probably don’t want to do that,” Nyte warned.

“Oh, dear,” said Tom. “Did he just make contact with Radi?”

Radi growled, and latched onto Sherman’s hand with her teeth.

“…yep.”

“Toldja,” said Nyte.

“It bites! It bites!” East said, as he shook his hand furiously in an attempt to shake the kid off.

“Wanna kill him while he’s distracted?” Tom asked Nyte.

“I dunno,” Nyte said. “It’s a first, but I pity the sap right now.”

East continued to try to dislodge Radi, but she held on tight. “No loving God could allow you to exist!” he said tearfully. “FILTHY FILTHY MAN!” Radi replied, her mouth full of hand.

Janine smirked at this. “I don’t think we have to worry about him for now. Besides, if we piss him off, then he might try to kill us, and I’m not in the mood.”

Tom shrugged. “Have fun, you two!” he said.

“I’m not the filthy one! I ran away from the naked man! I swear!”

“YOU SAID IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!” Radi shouted, as she moved on to bite furiously into his arm.

“It hurts! It hurts!” East shouted, while Radi just growled. “The pain is surpassed only by the agony of having my soul eaten by squid!!!”

As Radi feasted, the others moved along. “Anyways, I guess our target is behind the door here,” Nyte said. Inside, their landlord was skulking about the large room in a white tank top and striped boxer shorts, hunched over and looking crazed. He took one look at Celeste, and smiled in a disturbing manner.

“Holy Jebus!” Janine shouted. “Oh God, I did not need to see this,” Nyte said.

As Janine walked up behind Celeste and smiled wickedly, Dick’s face drained of all color. “THE WHIP!!!” he shouted as he pointed at Janine, before running and hiding in a corner.

Nyte looked at Janine. “Just what did you do with that whip?!”

“Nothing!” said Janine. Everyone gave her a look that read “doubt.” “I just teased him with it a bit! I said I was going to show him a good time this month, that’s all! Oh, and I did whip the head off this ugly marble bust he had in his place for some reason. Do you think that had anything to do with it?”

“Can’t imagine why that would strike fear into a contractually-bound man’s heart,” Nyte said dryly.

“It was hideous!”

Nyte shook his head, then called out over his shoulder, “RADI! Oh, RAAAAAAADIIIIIII! We need you!”

Radi popped her head into the room, and immediately shrieked and covered her eyes. “OHHHHHHHHH THE DIRTY DIRTY DIRTINESS.”

“Radi!” said Nytetrayn. “Evil man! Atta–!”

“Wait!” said Tom. “Lemme hurt him! RADI! HE WANTS TO SPREAD THE DIRTY WORD TO GLEE CLUBS!”

“Shut up, monkey.”

“Dangit.”

Nyte chuckled, but before he knew what was happening, Tom grabbed Radi and hurled her at Dick. Radi shrieked, and flung her Nutcracker bomb at the lecherous landlord. Tom dusted off his hands as he admired his handiwork, and Dick’s agonized yells. “It’s the simple things in life you treasure.”

“Thank God, it’s gone!” East said, as he peeked into the room. “…oh, that just ain’t right.”

Tom grinned, and said, “Fireworks,” before grabbing some marshmallows for the lit-up landlord. However, Janine blew out the flames. “I want everybody to take turns!” she said happily.

Dick ran from Janine, and tried to hide behind Celeste. She kept away from him, aided by a few rounds fired into the ground in his path, stopping him short. “Ha!” Nyte cheered as Twirl’s barrels smoked. “It works!”

“Just why are you tormenting this guy?” East asked. “Are you guys sure you don’t want to work for me? You seem to enjoy torture more than I would have expected.”

Tom tossed him the scrapbook, and said, “Read the damn book. Now, who’s up next?” “Go for it,” Janine told him. “Just leave him in one piece.” With a huge grin, Tom happily started to wrap his arm blades in sandpaper, rough-side out.

“And we aren’t just torturing him for fun!” Janine told East. “He’s evil! Very, very evil.”

Nyte added, “This is personal.”

“Personal, how?” asked the would-be tyrant, who seemed unusually interested. “READ THE EFFIN BOOK,” Tom told him. East started reading, while Tom backed Dick into a corner, as things started to get hairy.

“Dear God,” East said, as he flipped through the pages. “This is a deeply disturbed individual… oh, wow, I didn’t know the human body was capable of bending that way. Neat.”

“GIMME THAT!” Nyte shouted, as he snatched the journal out of East’s hands.

Tom picked up Dick, and offered up a round of Dick Dodgeball. “‘EY, JAN! CATCH!” Janine complied, and Tom spiked him. “Someone, set up a net!” he said. “Volley-Dick!” “That sounds wrong!” Janine said, as she spiked him back.

“Ohhhh, my EYES,” moaned Radi, as she wrapped her scarf around them.

“So, tell me… are you going to kill him?” East asked Nytetrayn, who was watching the game go on. “If not… I can probably help you out,” he said, as he stroked his chin thoughtfully.

That was enough to pique Nytetrayn’s curiosity. “…what did you have in mind?”

“I can reprogram him.”

“Reprogram him?” Nyte asked.

“‘Reprogram’,” asked a distracted Tom, who missed the heap of landlord that landed at his feet.

“You’d be amazed at how malleable the human mind can be.”

“Maybe you can reprogram him to leave us alone,” Nyte suggested.

“Certainly.”

“Wait… how do we know we can trust you on this? You’re not exactly someone we bar-hop with.”

“Well, that’s the neat thing. You can’t.”

“Oh. Well then, no dice.”

East circled around behind Nytetrayn to his other side. “But it’s either that, or murder him. And quite frankly, I don’t think you want to do that.”

“Or, we could put the fear of God in him. He already has the fear of Jan in him.”

East chuckled. “Well, what have you got to lose? What am I going to do, make him worse? I doubt that’s possible.”

“We just want him to go back to magazines, mostly. I’d rather not have to worry about him trying to kill us at night.”

Meanwhile, Tom had been rolling camera of the beatdown. “This is great! If he gets outta line again, I play this to him!”

“Hmmm, I can do that,” East said. “Do what?” asked Nyte. “I’ll reprogram him to be docile, if that’s what you want.”

Janine grabbed Dick by the back hair, and dumped him in front of Cel. “He’s all yours, Celeste!” she said, as she dusted off her hands.

Celeste looked down at the beaten and battered Dick, and was almost starting to feel sorry for him. That is, until he reached up and began to stroke her leg, and said, “Pretty…” Then Celeste kicked him square in the nads, hard, right with the toe of her shoe. One could practically hear the “gong” sound upon impact. East and Nytetrayn winced at that, though the latter smirked while doing so, as Dick made a long, loud, high-pitched whining noise.

“Ooh, right in the beanbag,” said East, while Tom let out a loud, “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” and applauded. Celeste looked down at Dick again, and he had assumed the fetal position and was sobbing brokenly.

“Who is she, anyway?” asked East. “I didn’t see her last time we met… though she seems… familiar.”

“No one you’d know,” said Nyte.

“Okay, gang, let’s go and wash off wherever he made contact,” said Tom. “Reaverbot, he’s yours.”

“What should we do with him?”

“Maybe East could wipe his mind of any memories of any of us?” Celeste suggested.

“Or feed him to Radi,” Tom offered.

Nyte shook his head. “We still got a place to rent. I like the Radi idea, though.”

East’s eyes flickered with a green light. “Remove his memory? Too simple.”

“Not all of it,” said Nyte. “How about making him… normal? Like any of us have a claim to normality, but anyway. Make him crave doing things the normal way, perhaps? Going to clubs, bars, using bad pick-up lines, etc…”

“Forge a will leaving the apartment to us and kill him…” Tom said, among other outlandish things, but Nyte just ignored him.

“Ahh, remove his desire to stick needles in things,” East said.

“I don’t know what that means, but sure,” said Nyte.

“Should I remove his morbid fascination for Celeste?”

Nytetrayn took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, let’s just do that. Maybe nudge him towards the club scene or something. At least when he fails miserably at bars and such, he still gets his rent money.”

East nodded. “Very well.”

“Yeah..which means you need to pay with real cash,” Tom said. “No Janine payments.”

“Are you nuts?!” Nyte shouted at him. Janine chuckled. East smirked at the comment and said, “Probably.”

Nyte continued, “I think as long as Jan doesn’t drive him over the edge again, we have a good deal going on. Especially with how much he charges each month…” Nyte muttered something else about the island needing rent control, then turned back to East. “Hey… while you’re in there, why don’t you see what his problem is to start? Like, the root?”

East walked over to Dick, but stopped to examine Celeste, albeit in a clinical fashion. Then he stopped and took a longer look at her, studying her eyes. “Hey, East, back to the task at hand here,” Nyte said. “Interesting,” East said. “I’ve never felt that from a human before… You bear study.” Nyte narrowed his eyes and stepped between the two.

East abruptly turned away from her, and held out his hand, as a circle and a devil’s star in luminescent green appeared beneath him and Dick. “Don’t worry, Nytetrayn, I’m not after your woman. I simply have a scientific interest in humans who possess an energy signature.”

“…right,” Nyte said, before turning towards Celeste. “You okay now?”

Celeste nodded. “Felt pretty good, actually.” She looked at Nytetrayn and smiled. “Thanks.”

“Nice hit,” Tom told her with a grin. Janine patted her on the shoulder, and with a wink and a smile of her own, told her, “You rock.” Celeste bashfully chuckled a little at the attention.

East narrowed his eyes, and green lightning flashed between his eyes and Dick’s. After a moment, East said, “Wow… he… has… a lot… of… oh, wow, that is some deep-rooted obsession… And this is just from seeing her…? Oh, goodness…”

“Seeing who? Celeste?”

“Janine, I had no idea you swung that way.”

Janine blushed, but quickly said, “Focus on the task at hand!”

“Alright, alright… hmm, seems Celeste resembles someone from his past. I’ve ‘reset’ him, now let’s take a look at the origins of his dementia…”

Nyte squeezed Celeste around the shoulders.

“Hmm, interesting,” East said. “It would seem that our dear Celeste here bears a particularly strong resemblance to a girl this ‘Dick’ fancied when he was but a young boy. She showed him a certain kindness he never knew as a child, but it was not to be, as she soon moved away. He would go on to try to fill the void with flings and one-night stands and the like. That is, until he received word that his father had passed away and came to Monroe Island in order to tend to his affairs. That’s when he ran afoul of you lot. Once he caught a glimpse of Celeste, he developed an obsession – he tried to resist at first, but soon believed this cosmic coincidence was a sign that they were meant to be, and, well, I think you know the rest.”

Celeste looked on intently. Nyte seemed to know what she was thinking, and asked, “But… that wasn’t really Celeste he knew, was it?”

“Hm, no, I don’t believe so. The timing would be all wrong. This girl was older than he was – sort of a ‘babysitter crush,’ if you will.”

Celeste let out a sigh of relief.

“Have we, er, ‘improved’ his mind now?” Nyte asked.

“The simplest solution was to simply disassociate the two in his mind. Now, they could be standing together right in front of him, and he wouldn’t think of them as anything more than vaguely resembling one-another.” East paused, then added, “Although, thanks to your girlfriend, he’s probably going to have… other problems for the rest of his life.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Nyte asked.

“I think she ‘damaged’ him.”

Nyte looked at Celeste, and then back to East. “Her?! How?!”

“DA NUTKICK!” Tom shouted.

“…oh, yeah. That. I thought he meant, y’know, mental.”

“She kicked him in the balls, you dork. Hard. You don’t think that’s going to leave some kind of permanent damage?”

“Right, right, I got it…”

“…I didn’t think I kicked him that hard,” Celeste said quietly to herself.

“I thought you meant some sort of psychological perma-boner thinking about her.”

“In any case, this is where we part ways. I must take my leave of you now.”

“…right.”

“But know this: you were let off lightly this time because I was not prepared to fight you.”

“And you were let off lightly because we had other fish to fry.”

“Next time will be different, and I’ll use your skull to decorate my throne and have both your little girl toys as my personal arm candy, or something.”

“So let’s call it even and hope we never meet again, what say?”

East smirked. “Oh, I’m afraid you aren’t nearly that lucky,” he chuckled darkly, as he disappeared in a flash of crackling green power.

“Yeah… me too.”

“Well, that was… cheery,” Janine said.

“Screw this, I’m gone,” Tom said, as he headed for the door.

Nyte turned to the others. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

“…and go tear down that shrine,” Celeste added.

“GOD yes,” Janine said, as she picked up Dick and carried him out.

“Twirl, transform!” Nytetrayn said, and the Gatling-Buster returned to its robot mode. “Congratulations, you’ve passed your first field test.” Twirl replied with a series of beeps and boops. “Right, right, just don’t get a big head…”

Celeste tried to wake up Radi, who was unconscious from the filth. “Wakey-wakey, sleepyhead.” “Wagglelagpigbagglegoo,” she replied. “She sounds fine,” Janine said with a wink.

“Is all the insanity over?” the young girl asked. “Yes,” Celeste said. “Just don’t look over there,” she added, as she pointed to where Janine was carrying Dick.

“I’m not hanging around you people anymore, you attract weirdness.”

“Yes, I suppose we do,” Nyte said, quietly adding, “You being a prime example.”

“But… but… weirdness is fun!” Janine said, sadly.

Radi threw down a smoke bomb, and disappeared.

After a quiet moment, Nytetrayn looked at Twirl and said, “You know what this means, don’t you?” Twirl replied with an inquisitive beep. “No more stupid dances.” Twirl hopped up and down happily, while Janine giggled.

“I heard that.”

Janine’s eyes widened, and she turned, revealing Radi, clinging to her posterior.

Nyte rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I’m sick of this place. Let’s get out of here already…”

Janine led the way out, carrying Dick with Radi clinging to her backside, and the others followed. “I’m going to need such a shower to stop feeling unclean after all this,” she said woefully. “Nytetrayn and Celeste nodded in agreement.

***

The group left the ruins, and went back to their apartments. Tom and Radi went about their merry way, and Janine put Dick back in his office, still out of it. Celeste went and tore down the shrine in his room, and Nyte rebuilt Dick’s door, as sort of an unspoken courtesy to further put all this behind them.

Soon after, Janine started a nice, big fire out back, and put all of Dick’s paraphernalia into it. Nytetrayn brought marshmallows, and put a reassuring hand on Celeste’s shoulder as they watched the creepy collection burn.

Janine sat down next to Nyte, and sighed heavily as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “You alright?” he asked. “Yeah, just tired,” she said. “And a little scared.” “Scared?” “That was pretty creepy, Nyte.” “Ah, yeah.”

“And to think, I drove that guy completely off the deep end with my whip. I… I had no idea I had that kind of power,” Janine said, looking a little freaked upon the reflection.

“Well, now it’s over. And now you know better,” Nyte said, with just a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Yeah… I just know I’m gonna have nightmares about all this, though,” she said with a worried look on her face.

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Again, it’s over. Let’s just relax a bit for now.”

“I guess… even so, I don’t suppose I could sleep with you guys tonight?”

Nyte and Celeste looked at each other, then at Janine. “With…” Nyte began. “…us?” Celeste said.

“Wait,” Janine said, wincing. “That sounds wrong. I dunno, something like a slumber party? The images won’t stay out of my mind.”

“Um…” Nyte said, not sure how to react to this. “Yeah, we can do that,” Celeste said, in the hopes it might put her friend’s mind at ease.

“Cool! Thanks, Cel!” a cheerful Jan replied.

“Yeah, I guess we can throw some blankets on the living room floor or something,” Nyte said. “Sleeping bags and whatnot…”

“That works. Kind of like a campout!”

“Yeah, right. There we go,” Nyte said, before going on ahead to prepare the room.

Janine glanced at Celeste. “You sure you’re okay?”

Celeste nodded. “Yeah, I’m alright. You?”

“Better,” Janine said. Then she smiled wickedly, and said, “I wonder how badly he’d bleed through the nose if we both showed up naked?”

Once the shock of the suggestion wore off, Celeste entertained the thought for only a second, and laughed. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…”

“Okay, maybe not naked, but pajamas can be very sexy…”

“Um… maybe sometime. Maybe,” Celeste said, still not sure where she and Nytetrayn stood with each other.

“We’ll see,” said Janine, and with a wink, added, “if you need some help, I’ll be glad to oblige.” She got up and stretched, and said, “In the meantime, since I seem to be the major source of fanservice around here, I’m going to put on some racy lingerie and a transparent nightie.”

Celeste got up as well, but she had no idea what to wear. Or if what she normally wore to bed was really sleepover-appropriate.

“You want to borrow something?” Janine offered.

Celeste was afraid to ask, but did anyway. “…what do you have?”

“Racy lingerie… transparent nighties… really short nighties… a few of Fenix’s old t-shirts…” Janine scratched her head. “Come to think of it, I’m not really used to wearing anything while I sleep… it usually came off before we got to that part!”

“Um… I can see what I’ve got,” Celeste said.

They headed back to the apartment, and found that Nytetrayn had set up the sleeping bags and pillows in the living room, with Twirl off in the corner, recharging. Nytetrayn himself was just laying on the center sleeping bag and staring at the ceiling as he waited for the others to arrive.

Janine waved at the Digger as she headed to her room. “Be back in a sec, gotta slip into something more comfortable.” Celeste didn’t say as much as she headed for the other bedroom.

Nyte waved back. “Uh… right.”

Janine returned moments later, now in the aforementioned racy lingerie and transparent nightgown, and got into her sleeping bag and cuddled up to a nervous Nytetrayn. Celeste soon returned, wearing something a bit more conservative: she still had most of her clothes on, including her t-shirt and the dark blue bodysuit she wore underneath, as well as her socks. She wondered if she should still be wearing something else as she took the sleeping bag on the other side. Nytetrayn realized he was caught in the middle, and paled slightly.

As the two went to sleep, they wound up snuggling up a little closer to the Digger, content and headed for Dreamland. Nyte just stared at the ceiling, and wondered what he’d gotten himself into.

To be continued…

—–

Legends of the Halcyon Era is a work of fan fiction set in the world of Mega Man Legends. It is largely adapted from a series of freeform RPG sessions, combining ideas from several contributors, and further fleshed out here in a prose format.

David Oxford, also known as LBD “Nytetrayn,” is a lifelong Mega Man fan who, along with his wife Nadia, has co-written the Mega Man Robot Master Field Guide and Mega Man X Maverick Hunter’s Field Guide from UDON Entertainment, and runs The Mega Man Network (themmnetwork dot com). You can also find him on Twitter @LBD_Nytetrayn and @themmnetwork, and on Twitch and YouTube under the name “Nyteworks.”

You can also find Legends of the Halcyon Era as it updates at Archive of Our Own.

Character designs by LBD “Nytetrayn” and Victor Campan. Character art by Victor Campan. Logos by Tabby Ramsey. Arrangement by LBD “Nytetrayn”.

Thanks for reading!