Legends of the Halcyon Era: Radi Vs. Orton’s Ornery Burger Round-Up

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Legends of the Halcyon Era

Radi Vs. Orton’s Ornery Burger Round-Up

by

David Oxford/LBD “Nytetrayn”

*****

After tempers had cooled and Celeste brought Nytetrayn back into the apartment, the group – plus Adam Powers – headed out to get dinner at a new place Nyte wanted to try.

Nyte didn’t exactly dress up for the occasion, but unlike Adam and Fenix, who were garbed in their Digger armor, Nyte decided to stay casual with pants, a button-up shirt, and a jacket – all in black, of course.

“Shall we?” Fenix asked, jangling a set of keys from his finger.

“Okay,” said Nyte, “first: It’s only a few blocks away and a nice night.”

Fenix’s stature drooped, as he pocketed the keys.

“And second: Dude, when did you get a car?”

“I know a guy.”

“You swiped it from Xenos, didn’t you?”

“He has lots, he’ll never miss it.”

“Let’s hope not.”

***

Elsewhere, inside a crashed airship down on the beach, the Air Pirate known as Xenos Maximillian Amadeus Wolfgang Stein Geist the Sixth hit his head on a piece of overhanging machinery, and let out a loud string of curse words.

As he was doing that, he suddenly found himself smacked by an unseen assailant. “G’ah!”

“You said a bad word!” scolded Radi, a strange young girl who’d taken to hanging around with the group, and Xenos in particular.

“What were you doing there, kiddo?”

“Watching you in your sleep,” she replied, her eyes suddenly getting very large.

After a beat, Xenos mussed her hair. “Plotting my ultimate demise again? Heheh, okay – don’tyoueverrepeatwhatIsaid.”

“Sure,” she said.

“…why do I not believe you?”

“Because I lied.”

“Need to work on that. If you’re going to lie, it needs to be believable if you’re gonna score big,” he said with a smirk.

“So the lesson today is, lying is good?”

“For pirates? You betcha!” he chuckled. He began to walk away, but stopped abruptly.

“Something wrong?”

“My Car-sense is tingling!” he said. “…Fenix was thinking of touching my wheels! I must go now!” With that, he discarded the oil-stained apron and gloves he was wearing as he worked on the engine as he dashed away into the night.

“Okay,” Radi said with a wave.

*****

The group walked along, with Janine floating along with her arms wrapped around Fenix’s neck. Suddenly, the masked Digger felt a dark, seething cloud of badness right behind him.

“I feel a dark, seething cloud of… badness behind me,” he told the others.

“Of course you do,” said Janine. “I’m behind you.”

“Of course you do, Jan is–” Nyte began to say before realizing he’d been beaten to the punch. Instead, he just muttered a curse, while Janine said “Jinx!” with a very pleased smile.

As the ominous scent of overpriced cologne wafted through the air, the group began to take notice, sniffing at the air around them.

“What the hell is that smell?” Fenix asked.

“Smells like… rubbing alcohol,” Nyte responded.

“Cologne,” Janine said, as she wrinkled her nose. “Probably something called ‘Ravishing Stallion,’ or some such nonsense.”

“’Ode de Lumberjack,’ perhaps?” Nyte suggested.

“Probably,” Janine said.

“Ahem,” came a voice from behind the group. Fenix turned to confront it, his eyes doubling in size upon seeing Xenos standing before them. “I sense someone wants to borrow my car?”

“Ack! It IS a pirate!” Fenix shouted.

“…it is?” said Nytetrayn.

“Nyte, get Cel and Jan out of here before he can steal our womenfolk! I’ll hold him off!” Fenix said, drawing his beam sabers.

“Aye-aye!” Nyte replied, before he began to escort Janine and Celeste away, before a realization dawned on him. “Waitasec…”

After delivering a blank stare, Xenos said, “They’re in greater danger from you, Fenix.”

“Yeah, really,” Nyte added.

“Good point,” Fenix said, as he sheathed his sabers. “My ‘sword’ is far larger.”

“…unless you’ve repented, and removed that spy set-up you have in that apartment.”

Fenix’s eyes widened.

“…spy set-up?” Celeste asked.

Adam simply stood there looking between the respective parties before moving towards Nyte and away from Fenix.

“Ixnay!” Fenix said to Xenos in a loud whisper. “Ixnay on the pysay ameracay!”

“You’re explaining this one,” Nyte said to Fenix.

Her curiosity now piqued, Celeste asked, “What camera set-up?”

Nyte winced, and started to sweat a little.

“I have no idea what he’s talking about,” Fenix said. “He’s a pirate, you can’t trust him.”

“Ahhh… okay,” Xenos said, as he started to catch on to what was going on. “Alright, I getcha.”

Celeste looked around from Fenix to Xenos to Adam to Janine to Nyte.

Xenos looked at Celeste, and said, “The one he uses to watch football on the widescreen TV your neighbors have.”

“You know what we’re talking about, Fenix,” Janine said at the same time. “The camera you put in the show –- oh.”

“Damn,” said Xenos, while Fenix smacked himself in the visor.

“Um, okay,” Celeste said. She didn’t sound entirely convinced, but seemed willing to let it go for now.

Janine wiped some sweat from her forehead, and sighed with relief.

“Well, I tried! On your own now,” said Xenos, as he walked up to Nyte. “Come, boy, you need to learn the fine art of selecting automobiles.”

“Sorry, food first.”

“…. ANYHOW! Xenos, we were going out for breakfast. Wanna come along?”

“Breakfast?” asked Nyte, looking at the darkening evening sky. “Steak and eggs again, Fenix?”

“…yeah, whatever. Let’s go. Us cyborgs need our iron, you know.”

“Sure thing, Schwartzenheimer,” Nyte said, before asking Xenos, “Care to join us? You can tell us how repairs to the Saucy Mare are going.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Xenos said, “Sure! And pretty piss poor, honestly.”

“I hear they kill your meat for you fresh at this place,” Nyte said.

“Spectacular,” said Fenix.

“Mustn’t… make fun… of the lower classes!” said Xenos. “Must… fight… snobbery!”

Soon, they arrived at the restaurant: “Orton’s Ornery Burger Round-Up.” As the host seated them, they passed by a frail old man in a green suit, who was taking his pick among the cattle present.

“I’ll take… ooh, that one!” he said, pointing at one cow, which was quickly taken care of by the handler. “Oh, he’s a bit listless, isn’t he? Give me… oh, that spirited fellow!” Another cow down, and “Hm, he didn’t put up much of a fight. Why don’t you pick one for me?” The handler, who’d begun to look a bit irate, injected another cow. “On second thought, I’ll just have a glass of milk… from that cow.” Another cow goes down. “Excellent.”

Nytetrayn helped Celeste with her seat, before taking one of his own next to her. Fenix sat down, and Janine hopped into his lap. Adam sat, still not removing his shades, even indoors. And Xenos paused for a moment, sniffing the air before sitting down. One could practically see the Zenny marks in his eyes.

“You okay, Xenos?” asked Fenix.

Nytetrayn added, “Yeah, what’s up? Your eyes look a bit… squiggly.”

“I smell money. Lots of money.”

Nyte sniffed the air as well. “That’s not what I smell.”

A huge “HISSSSSSSSS!!!” could be heard from the kitchen, followed by a mooing sound. “Dammit, Cecil! I told you to prod them before you throw them on the grill!!!”

Following that, a loud, familiar-sounding voice screeched from the kitchen, prompting a stunned silence from the group.

“STOP KILLING THE COWS, YOU BASTARDS!” Radi screamed.

“…bloody marvelous,” said Fenix.

“I know it’s misplaced,” said Xenos, “but.. since when has she been a vegetarian?”

“Oh, great. When did she get here?” asked Nyte.

“She got here when she did,” Xenos said with a shrug.

“And who would this be?” asked Adam.

“You don’t want to know,” replied Fenix.

Standing in the doorway to the kitchen, Radi held a couple of ticking bombs in her hands. “THEY’VE GOT THEIR OWN CULTURES, YOU KNOW!”

Everyone’s eyes widened, and Nyte stood up. “I’m outta here before she sees us…”

“Uh, Nyte…” said Adam. “Are those what I think they are in her hands?”

Nyte nodded. “Probably. And it doesn’t sound like she’s demonstrating this time.”

Xenos just shook his head and calmly read his menu.

Janine floated over and snatched the bombs from Radi’s hands.

“Oh, hello!” said Radi, with a huge grin.

“Bad girl! No blowing stuff up!”

Nytetrayn buried his head in his arms on the table and sobbed. “All I wanted was a good meal…”

Celeste nervously patted him on the back. Adam, unsure of what else to do, eventually gave Nyte a few pats of his own before joining Fenix, who was studying the cows.

Back at the kitchen, Radi leaped onto the head cook, and viciously bit his face. “HOW DO YOU LIKE GETTING BIT?”

“Oh, for the love of…” Janine said, before she grabbed Radi by the scruff of the neck. “You’re just asking for a spanking, young woman!”

Nyte eventually lifted his head up to rest it in his hands, and sighed. “Why do I feel like Mr. Wilson…?”

“What the hell was that all about, Fenix?” Adam asked.

“You REALLY don’t want to know…”

“Our cows are in danger!” Radi told Janine as she dangled there. “To save them and the herd, we must find the four bovine keys before the carnivores can use them for evil! It is my mission! They sent me!”

“The cows sent you to wreak havoc?”

Radi seemed stunned for a moment, before answering. “Yes! You understand!”

Janine looked around. “This does seem kind of cruel…”

“They’re practically family, you know!”

“Alright, tell you what: you can wreak havoc as long as you promise not to cause anyone bodily injury, alright?”

Xenos decided to check out the specials, while Celeste grabbed a menu for herself and Nyte, encouraging him to look it over. Once Adam finished studying the cows a bit more, he went back to their table to rejoin the others and look over a menu as well.

“Hey Radi, would you like to sit down and join us?” asked Xenos.

Nyte looked at the Air Pirate. “You die tonight.”

“I wasn’t planning to,” Radi said darkly. She then turned her head and yelled at Xenos. It was nothing coherent, just a scream.

“Good,” Janine said, setting the girl down and patting her on the head. “You be a good girl now, run and play or something.”

Radi drew a pair of forks and ran screaming into the kitchen.

“Damn, she’s serious,” said Xenos.

“Radi, huh?” Adam mumbled to himself, as Janine returned to the table. “So what does this psychotic vegetarian have to do with you guys?”

When Fenix asked one of the passing waiters if he can kill the cow himself, Radi yelled, “DON’T YOU DARE.”

“Aaaah, go eat some lettuce,” he replied, before he cocked his gun-arm and advanced on the beef.

“…I’m losing my appetite,” said Xenos.

Suddenly, there came an enraged moo from the kitchen, and a cow busted out of its doors and ran for freedom.

“…and here, I thought we’d be getting something besides fast-food for a change,” said Nytetrayn.

Fenix ignored the broken-out bovine, and was setting his sights on a nice, lean one, when Radi swung on a string of sausages out of the kitchen and landed on the masked Digger’s back, and stabbed at him with a spatula. “Agh! Get offa me, radish-nibbler!” Fenix yelled as he flailed.

With Fenix now otherwise occupied, Celeste leaned in towards the others at the table, and quietly asked, “…so, what’s with this camera you guys were talking about…?”

Nyte’s eyes shot wide open. “Oh god,” he said under his breath. “As if this night couldn’t get any worse…”

“I won’t let you, evildoer!” Radi shouted. As Fenix tried to grab her, she snapped back viciously at his hands.

“Hey Radi, I didn’t know you were a vegetarian,” Xenos said, still playing calm, but no longer looking at his menu.

“Remember what I said to come talk to me about a while ago, Celeste?” said Adam. Celeste nodded. Nyte buried his head behind his arms, whispering to himself, “Maybe, if it works for ostriches…”

“Your silly aversion to bloodshed will never dampen my drive to eat the flesh of dead cows!!!” Fenix shouted.

“YOUR COW-EATING DAYS END HERE, BITCH!!” Radi fired back.

Nyte looked up at that. “I thought she didn’t like foul language?”

Xenos sighed.

Janine was just kind of staring at the scene now, her eyes opened wide in some mix of horror and interest.

“ALL YOUR BEEF ARE BELONG TO US!!!”

“THEY’RE FREE CREATURES, LET THEM ALONE!!”

“THEY ARE IN BONDAGE SO THAT THEY MAY FEED ME!”

“Radi,” Xenos said, “I don’t think you’ll convince anybody by stabbing people with spatulas and biting their heads.”

“THEY’RE AN ENSLAVED RACE OF PACIFISTS, THEY DESERVE BETTER!”

“She just likes cows,” Xenos said, right before Radi’s spatula suddenly whizzed through the air and embedded itself an inch from Xenos’ hand on the table. “Nice arm, but your aim needs a little work.”

“BOVINE SYMPATHIZER! GET IN MAH BELLY!”

“I’M A MEMBER OF A NOBLE CAUSE, AS LONG AS I LIVE, YOUR KIND WILL NEVER SUCCEED!!”

As this went on, Adam continued. “Fenix told me that he’d set up a spy camera in the shower and that he and Janine were making some… er, videos to sell…”

Celeste sat there in stunned silence for what felt like an eternity, until Adam added, “That’s what the monitor in his room is there for, apparently.”

“…THAT’S what that was all about?!?” she finally replied, sounding very unhappy.

“Oh shit,” Nyte muttered under his breath.

Celeste, unsure of what to say next, was quiet again.

“Ask Janine about it,” Adam said, drawing the Bureaucratic Unit’s attention back to the table. “She knows more than I do, I only know what Fenix told me.”

“It’s alright Cel, he turned it off when you got in,” Jan said, but Celeste wasn’t having it.

“THAT’S why you were trying to get me in the shower?!” Celeste said to Janine, before she got up and stormed off.

“Actually, I forgot about the camera until afterwards… I’m sorry,” Janine said tearfully, but Celeste was already out of hearing distance by that point.

Nytetrayn quickly tried to catch up to Celeste. “…Celeste, I… er… uh…”

“…what, you wanted to make money off of me too?”

“Oh dear…” Janine said.

“I thought you guys were better than that… weird, but better than that…” With that, Celeste took off again, storming out of the restaurant.

Nytetrayn’s eye twitched.

As the battle continued, Fenix shouted, “I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS!!!”

“NEVER!!”

Nytetrayn approached Fenix and Radi, and forcibly pulled the two apart by their collars, an odd site made odder by the extra inches Fenix had on Nyte. “You two, hold on.”

“I SHALL CRACK OPEN YOUR SKULL AND — wassup?” Fenix asked

“Fenix, you want at those cattle, right?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“DON’T LET HIM, YOU FOOL! IT’LL BE THE END OF US ALL!”

“And Radi,” Nyte continued, “you want Fenix to be turned into a bloody mess as a result, right?”

“FIRST COWS, THEN US – yes.”

“Excellent,” Nytetrayn said. “Then we have come to terms. I think I can satisfy everyone’s demands.”

With that, Nytetrayn picked a surprised Fenix up over his head and threw him right into the middle of the stable to fend for himself against the cattle.

“…lousy…” Nyte muttered to himself, as he turned his attention to finding Celeste.

“YES! COME TO ME, MOOING SPAWN OF THE APIS BULL!!!”

“This is a nice show,” Xenos said as he clapped. “We should sell tickets…”

“FIGHT BACK, NOBLE CREATURES!” Radi shouted from the sidelines.

The cows turned their attention towards Fenix, as they got restless and began to move around, forcing him every which way. Fenix then did the thing that made his arm click ominously.

“PERISH, HORNED SLABS OF MEAT!!!”

The bulls decided to get involved, too.

“YES, THAT’S IT!” Radi cheered. “RISE UP AGAINST YOUR OPPRESSORS!

Fenix laughed maniacally as he sprayed bullets from his Gatling arm around, but before he could hit any of them, one bull rammed into him from behind. “JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!”

As this went on, Xenos had already sold hundreds of tickets. “Come one, come all! Man against bovine! See a man’s love of beef gone horribly wrong!”

Fenix leaped from the pit, nursing a wounded backside. “Ow,” he said, rubbing his posterior. “Nothing glorious about that hole… remind me to kill him.”

“Uh, Fenix?” Janine said as she approached. “We have problems.”

“I’ll say we have problems. I just lost my anal virginity to a cow.”

“Get back in there, Fenix!” shouted Xenos. “We’re raking in milli-”

“Cel asked about the camera.”

“…on…s…”

Fenix’s eyes took on a unique shade of red that resembled burning coals. “And you TOLD her?”

Janine nodded.

“…I’m outta here,” Xenos said, as he took the money and ran.

“Did anyone mention that it was turned OFF when she entered the vicinity?” he asked.

“She… kind of stormed off before that,” Janine said.

Fenix made a rumbling noise that scared the hell out of the cows.

“Adam told her! It was all him!” Janine said, as she scrambled under the table.

As this was going on, Radi had affixed a tiny explosive to one of the corral’s posts and plugged her ears as it went off. “BE FREE!” she shouted, before letting up an animalistic howl as the cows ran for their freedom and she swung out of the restaurant.

***

Meanwhile, out in the town, Nytetrayn ran up to Adam. “Any luck?” he asked.

“I lost her… don’t worry, though, she couldn’t have gotten far.”

Nyte sighed. “Great, now she thinks the only people she’s ever known have betrayed her…” With that, Nyte punched a nearby wall, putting a dent in it as cracks webbed outward.

“Not quite,” said Adam.

“What do you mean?”

“I think if you get her to calm down, she might come around.”

“I dunno, sounds like she hates me now,” Nyte said. “And I’m the one who killed the feed… and rewired it for Clown College Wrestling.”

“Remember, I told her it was Fenix’s set-up. And Janine said that he shut off the camera, so it’s not completely hopeless.”

“Dude, I don’t think she heard anything after she found out they were selling tapes for money…”

“Then tell her you killed the feed.”

“She won’t believe me,” Nyte said, as he sighed again.

“It would’ve been worse coming from you than me. And she would’ve found out herself eventually, anyway.”

“You don’t know that. Frankly, I think there’s a way we could have told her without it sounding like it’s been going on for some time.”

As they were talking, Fenix approached Adam from behind, his eyes still that unusual color, and tapped him on the shoulder.

Adam looked over his shoulder. “Yes?”

“I have killed men for less. I just thought you should know that,” Fenix said before he turned and began to walk away. Nyte turned to resume his search as well.

“Well, then, you should’ve told her.”

Both Diggers turned on Adam.

“…maybe if I’d had time to think of something!” yelled Nyte. “I only found out today myself!”

“SHE WASN’T ON THE FIRK-DING-BLASTED TAPES!” added Fenix.

“Janine told her that,” Adam said. “She didn’t seem to be listening though.”

“Yes, well, maybe that should have been FIRST on the list, before ‘Fenix sells them for money’!”

“Well, I didn’t know that!”

“It wasn’t your place to tell her anything!”

“So what, it would’ve sounded better coming from you? Or Nyte? She asked, she had a right to know.”

“Maybe it would have,” said Fenix. “If she’s going to hate me for the rest of her life, I’d at least like to be responsible for it!”

“Oy…”

Fenix whirled on his heel, and said, “I’m going back to the apartment.”

“If she’s there, you better make it clear to her that Nyte didn’t know about this until today.”

Fenix turned and struck the wall hard enough with his organic fist that it sunk part way in. Adam didn’t seem impressed.

“Well, this is a crappy wall,” said Fenix. “Look at that shoddy workmanship. Concrete should have been able to take that easily.”

“Yes, it should have.”

Fenix made a long, low, grating, animalistic, snarling noise as he slowly ripped his hand back out of the wall, slopping blood onto the ground.

“You should probably get that looked at, Fenix.”

After a moment, Fenix made the noise again, and his eyes flashed in a way that made it look like tiny licks of flame were coming off them, then just walked off, silently.

Nytetrayn, having long since decided to depart the conversation, opted to take a different approach to his search for Celeste. He’d leapt up on some crates next to a building, then from there to the rooftop, and moved from there.

Eventually, he spotted her sitting alone on one of the benches that surrounded the fountain in the middle of town. Quietly, he jumped down to street level from his vantage point. He took a deep breath as he tried to get his nerve up, and finally approached her from behind, walking around the other side of the bench.

“Celeste…” he said, as he sat down opposite her.

Celeste, who’d apparently been crying, glanced at Nyte, then turned away.

“…go away…”

Something about those words hurt, hurt in a tearing, crumpling way deep down inside, in a way Nyte had never known before. But he couldn’t leave. With another sigh to resolve himself again, he pressed on.

“Please, just hear me out…”

Celeste kept silent, and remained facing away from Nytetrayn, huddling to herself just a little bit as the cold night chill started to set in.

Nyte tried to figure out where to start. “…look, I… I didn’t know about the camera. Not until earlier, anyway…” He sighed again.

As this was going on, Adam had found the pair, but kept low and out of sight. “Lip reading program 1,” he said quietly.

“Fenix and Jan… they set it up to make and sell these cheesecake-cosplay hot tub videos she does. It has nothing to do with you, or seeing you… you know. When Jan was taking her bath earlier, Fenix went to check it out, and that was the first time I saw it. Jan forgot about the camera when she was in there, but they’d been keeping it off when you’ve been in there.”

“…what about you, when I was in there…?”

“I…” Nyte sighed again. “I dunno. I knew it wasn’t right. And I didn’t know Jan knew about it… that’s when I killed the connection on Fenix’s end. He wasn’t too happy about that… ‘course, I wasn’t too happy when I found out he was recording the stuff, and thought they’d been taping you, unaware… Jan told me they hadn’t been taping you, though.”

Adam whispered to himself, “Good answer, Nyte.”

“That’s when I rewired it into a live feed of Clown College Wrestling instead,” Nyte continued. “And that’s when the… er… activity in Fenix’s room happened earlier.”

After a moment, Celeste started to laugh a little while still sniffling a bit, now that she’d heard the whole thing. “So…”

“…it really didn’t have anything to do with me?”

“Not in a direct, intentional way, no,” Nyte said. “You’re safe.”

A bit more relieved, Celeste let herself laugh at the absurdity of the whole thing a little more, and turned back to sitting straight on the bench. “Okay… I guess maybe I overreacted earlier, too.”

“Nah, not really,” Nyte said reassuringly. “It’s understandable. You didn’t know what was going on, and then things happened so fast…” Nyte exhaled. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the one to tell you. I… I wasn’t sure how… how you tell someone something like that, out of nowhere. I didn’t want you to feel… hurt… by it.”

“Yeah, I… I get it, now,” Celeste said, before letting out a sneeze.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just a little cold out here…”

“Sounds like you need this more than I do,” Nyte said, as he gave Celeste his jacket to warm her up a little.

“Well, I see you’ve found each other,” Adam said as he walked up from the building he’d been hiding by.

“Oh look,” said Nyte. “Here’s He-Mouth, Master of the Blatherverse now.”

“Okay,” Adam admitted, “I probably deserve that. I’m sorry about before, but I felt you had a right to know, Celeste.”

“Yeah,” said Nyte, “but next time, how about giving us a chance to figure out how to tell her first, hmm?”

“Sure,” Adam said with a smile. “Oh, and my offer still stands about the ship…although Fenix probably hates my friggin’ guts right about now…”

“Probably,” Nyte said. “If Cel were still angry, I probably would, too.”

“…sorry about all that,” Celeste said, looking kind of embarrassed now. “Guess I had it all wrong.”

“It’s okay,” said Nyte. “It’s behind us, now, right?”

“Right.”

“Actually, it was my fault,” said Adam. “I should’ve let Nyte explain it. And to make it up to you guys, let’s get some dinner like we came out here to do, eh? It’s on me.”

“Sounds good,” said Nyte. “Maybe we can meet you there? I think we should see about getting Celeste some warmer clothes first.”

As they spoke, Janine could be seen being dragged along the side of the road as she hung grimly to the tail of a large bull. She soon appeared over where the others were standing, as she brushed her shirt off. “Well, actually,” she said, “I SHOULD tell you about one little thing…”

Nyte looked at Janine quizzically, and maybe slightly annoyed.

“See, there was one time me and Fenix were in his room with the video feed on…. and, uh, well, we both figured you were in there, Cel… because we saw you walk into the shot.”

Nytetrayn bit his lip at that.

Janine continued, “You might have heard the recorder embed itself in the wall when Fenix threw it.”

“I guess that explains that, then,” Celeste said.

“See, and he didn’t tell me that,” Adam added.

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t like to talk about it… even the prospect of taping Cel against her knowledge has a…” Janine kind of gritted her teeth and made an awkward “eh” sound “…element to it, and that’s a subject he’s really sensitive about.”

“Ah,” said Adam. “Well, that explains that then.”

“ANYways, why don’t you two get Fenix, and we can meet you there,” Nyte said.

“Actually, I’m not sure Fenix will leave the apartment unless he knows Cel doesn’t hate his guts anymore.”

“Drag him along,” Nyte said.

“And it would be a better idea if I wasn’t there until he knows that,” Adam said.

“Good point,” said Nyte. “Jan, why don’t you tell him?”

“Okay, will do!” she said, and zoomed off. Moments later, she zoomed back. “Meet you where, exactly?”

“Tell him to pick a restaurant,” Adam said.

“Yeah,” said Nyte. “Not that many around, anyway, and I figure there’s one less by now.”

Adam laughed, then sighed. “What do you think it will take for him to stop hating me? As you can probably tell, I’m not very good at this. Wandering around in an airship with no one else to talk to – aside from my robot – kinda kills the old social skills, if ya know what I mean.”

“Don’t worry,” said Jan. “He was mostly angry at himself… I don’t think he’d really kill you…”

“Yeah, Fenix is a softy, deep down,” Nyte said.

“…break your kneecaps, maybe,” Janine said, ticking off items on her fingers, “perhaps go bowling with your skull while it’s still attached, send your ankles to separate islands…”

“We get it, Jan,” said Nyte.

“…but nothing lethal.”

Adam stared at her in awkward silence.

“…yeah, I’m gonna go now,” Janine said, then flew away.

“She forgets,” Adam said, tapping his mechanical legs. “My kneecaps won’t break.”

“Oh, she didn’t forget,” Nyte said. Adam’s eyes widened a little behind his sunglasses, but he quickly regained his composure.

***

Soon, the group found each other at a local establishment called “McLight’s.” There, Fenix sat at a booth, staring at the wall. His eyes seemed less luminous than before, though the table underneath his hand bore spots of blood.

“Hey, Fenix,” said Adam as he walked up. “Sorry about before. You know, you really should get that hand looked at…”

“Eh?” said Fenix. “Oh, it’s still bleeding?” he asked, as he held it up for all to see. “Didn’t notice.”

Adam shuffled nervously.

”You KNOW it freaks people out when you do that, hon,” said Janine.

“Way to encourage appetite, Feeny,” Nyte said as he and Celeste walked up. The latter was now sporting a set of white leggings, as well as a green coat with gold fur lining. The two each grabbed a seat at the table.

Fenix shrugged at the remarks. “I don’t feel it, it’s just bloody knuckles,” he said, grabbing some napkins and wrapping up his hand. “Sorry.”

Regaining his composure, Adam said, “So, ah, this one’s on me, guys. Get whatever you want.”

“Sounds good to me,” said Nyte.

Fenix called the waiter over, and proceeded to order the entire menu. Nyte ordered quite a bit as well, though Celeste and the others didn’t have quite so much.

After ordering, Fenix glanced at Cel out of the corner of his eye, though no one could tell due to his visor and lack of pupils. Janine looked back and forth between the two, apparently a bit nervous, though Celeste didn’t really notice. Finally, Fenix cleared his throat, which caused Adam, Nyte, and Cel to look up.

“Cel, I’m sorry about the camera… that was something me and Jan set up for ourselves. I never recorded you… Hell, the one time I thought it might have recorded you, I set fire to the entire hard drive.”

“Well, technically plasma doesn’t count as fire,” Janine observed.

“True, but it melted.”

“It’s okay,” said Celeste. “Nyte told me what happened… sorry I over reacted.”

Fenix sighed and visibly relaxed. “I don’t think you overreacted at all. I would have been rather pissed off in your position as well…”

Adam smiled a bit.

“…particularly since certain parties didn’t understand what was going on, and shot their damn mouths off.”

Adam stopped smiling.

Janine patted Adam on the shoulder, and Celeste smiled.

Adam leaned back in his seat, and smiled again. “Well now, where’s our food?”

“Ahhhh…. here come the waiters now,” said Fenix.

“Waiters?” Adam asked. “Plural?”

Fenix and Nytetrayn rubbed their hands together as the servers slid two tables up next to their booth, just to hold all the food that had been ordered. Adam’s eyes bulged.

“Well, there went all the Zenny in my wallet.”

“So, that was one order of everything, and then a second order of everything, right?” asked Nytetrayn. “…and, whatever Adam, Jan, and Cel are eating.”

“Right,” said Fenix, as he slipped off his helmet, mouth split wide into a manic grin, before he and Nytetrayn began wolfing down burgers at a rapid pace. With their own food only halfway to their mouths, Janine and Celeste just stopped and stared as the two went at it.

Meanwhile, Adam pulled one of the waiters aside and asked for the check. Even though his eyes were concealed behind his shades, his eyebrows told the tale of his bulging eyes as he looked at the bill. He pulled out his wallet and dumped all the money inside on the floor before he gathered it up and handed it to the waiter with the check.

Finally, after a hefty sigh and a moment to consider everything, he sat back down and started to eat his meal as well.

To be continued…

—–

With a huge shout out to John Swartzwelder’s “Maximum Homerdrive” episode of The Simpsons. I never would have imagined that one scene (even one of my favorites) from a single episode would so heavily influence one of our RPG sessions, and in turn, this part of the story.

—

Legends of the Halcyon Era is a work of fan fiction set in the world of Mega Man Legends. It is largely adapted from a series of freeform RPG sessions, combining ideas from several contributors, and further fleshed out here in a prose format.

David Oxford, also known as LBD “Nytetrayn,” is a lifelong Mega Man fan who, along with his wife Nadia, has co-written the Mega Man Robot Master Field Guide and Mega Man X Maverick Hunter’s Field Guide from UDON Entertainment, and runs The Mega Man Network (themmnetwork dot com). You can also find him on Twitter @LBD_Nytetrayn and @themmnetwork, and on Twitch and YouTube under the name “Nyteworks.”

You can also find Legends of the Halcyon Era as it updates at Archive of Our Own.

Thanks for reading!