No, Capcom Is Not Headhunting The Protomen…

TMMN Staff

July 26, 2011

Following the accusations of Capcom throwing anyone with even the slightest hint of Blue Bomber in their blood out of the San Diego Comic-Con, new charges have been levied against the company.
The latest mud slung at Capcom have positioned them as the author of a cease and desist order against popular Mega Man-inspired rock-opera musicians The Protomen. The letter from the group, in which they purportedly give fans the bad news, seems to have first emerged as a rumor from GoNintendo, with fans wasting no time giving the call to arms. Capcom’s Seth Killian tried to dispel the rumor, but it seems his denial was drowned out to many, not being heard over their own calls for blood.

Fans are skeptical of any denial from Capcom. Why would they tell the truth, right? At least, that appears to be the popular way of thinking. Not to mention, the URL to the band’s website suddenly and mysteriously began to lead to Capcom Unity… what’s up with that?

So, how about a denial from the group themselves?

In response to the flurry of questions they received about being held down by “the man,” The Protomen issued the following response to the followers of their mailing list, titled “URGENT INFO!”

Dear Everyone,

It’s only been a little over a week since leaving Nashville, TN, United States, North America, America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, for this leg of the Hot Summer Nights Tour ’11, but we’ve already found ourselves in some hairy situations. Turbo Lover entered the Skyhammer in a Georgia Tech demolition derby death match (a GTDDDM, if you will)… where she got her right ear ripped off. Kilroy won controlling stock in FanGamer in a no-holds-barred arm-wrestling death match (a NHBAWDM, if you still will)… And every member of the band was beaten in the Conway Twitty “Conway’s Latest Greatest Hits; Volume I – contains the new hit single: “Ain’t She Somethin’ Else” Stare-Off of Death 2011 (Henceforth known as a CTCLGH;VI-CTNHS:”ASSE”S-OoD-11).

Seriously, go look at that album cover and try to make yourself believe you could beat a stare like Conway’s.

And now: The answer to the question that every single one of you have been sending to our electronic mailbox machine (don’t be acting like you didn’t email us about it… I’m pretty sure you drunk emailed us or something. Seriously… the things you said…): <------No that isn't an emoticon.

Q:\> Capcom Ceasifying and Desisterizing The Protomen?

A:\> Absolutely not. The Capcom/Protomen Cease and Desist Letter Fiasco ’11 (CPCDLF11) is a complete hoax. A not-so-thought-out one, for that matter, but we really appreciate the effort. For those of you who bit into that chicken leg, shame on you for thinking we’d go down that easily. We’ve got a lot more sass than all that. Furthermore, Capcom has been nothing but nice to us since we got this beast rolling (even though we stole Seth Killian’s megaphone). Now, I can’t speak for the game cancellations, but the general vitriol surrounding Capcom at the moment needs to end. We understand that it’s upsetting to see a game you’ve been waiting for get cancelled at the last minute, but maybe now is the time to focus on letting them know how much we all need that Protomen/Man Game to be made… (OK, I think that’s enough self promotion and exploitation of a situation for one email).

As for the untimely destruction of the ProtoSite, We’re investigating suspects and have narrowed it down to these possibilities:

1. The Player Vs Performer 2011 tour currently battling it out on the east coast collided with the Hot Summer Nights ProtoTour causing a hurricane of nerdery so powerful that it took down our broadcast HQ off the coast of Florida.

2. The Megas hacked our site during a break in their recording schedule for their new album, “I Wanna Be The One.” Here is a leaked mp3 of that album’s title track.

3. Whitney Houston hacked our site because she’s livid that Murphy Weller was cast instead of her in the hotly anticipated sequel to Waiting To Exhale. Waiting To Exhale II: Still Waiting.

Now on to more important and real news… The August West Coast Of America Tour!

Since our recent perceived bout with near death, we’ve decided it best to rename the next leg of our 2011 tour, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now,” in honor of our dear friends in Starship.

AUGUST – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
04th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
05th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out
06th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (we play this day)
07th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
11th – St. Louis, MO – 2720 Cherokee
12th – Kansas City, KS – TBA
13th – Springfield, MO – TBA
15th – Oklahoma City, OK – Conservatory
16th – Houston, TX – Super Happy Fun Land
17th – Austin, TX – Emo’s
18th – El Paso, TX – TBA
19th – Arizona – TBA
20th – Las Vegas / CA – TBA
21st – California – TBA
22nd – California – TBA
24th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act I
25th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act II
26th – Seattle, WA – El Corazon
27th – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime (Magfest’s Jamspace)
29th – Vancouver, BC – Biltmore Cabaret
30th – Spokane, WA – A Club

In other news, our Act I Record release show was amazingly sold out thanks to many of you. That night, we unveiled the 12″ and a new fancy shirt that you need. The first run of about a thousand records are nearly gone, so if you want one, you’d better try like hell to get to one of our shows in the next few weeks.

I’d like to tell you more of our deepest darkest secrets, but I’m riding in the bus right now on the way to Chapel Hill, NC and my fingers are bouncing around the keyboarfgsfgd’h’go.

Let ’em say we’re crazy.

-Commander